In the beginning of this semester, back in January, I had a couple of plans for film projects. I had this one idea looming in my head (because people kept mentioning the topic) and I created a little script. Fast forward nearly 4 months later, I have only shot a couple scenes and have only released a mini trailer a few weeks ago.
I’m both optimistic and pessimistic. My sort of wholesome and happy behavior is completely contrasted by the dark thoughts and feelings I have. So what now? Well, it was hard to shoot scenes in the few small rooms in my home. I have my sister working with me sometimes but it’s usually just me.
In my directing class over Zoom, we had to film a few short subject projects. Well none of my family has really done any acting. (Side Note: I think all film students become a little comfortable with acting because we are all in each other’s projects) It was very frustrating because the last thing I’m going to do is tell my mom what to do.
I was really dissatisfied with the content I was creating for class because I always love to make my projects as perfect as I can make it and right now, it wasn’t happening. One project was shot in my room with my sister acting. It took so much time and frustration to shoot. I was watching my little brother at the same time and he was just having too much fun watching us attempt to film something.
But as much as things felt hopeless, I shot my final film project for class this week and to be honest I felt very satisfied with it. I filmed it in my kitchen and shot so many angles and versions. I waited till my parents left and rushed and set up my camera and outfits. I filmed and edited everything before my math class. I looked at it a couple times and I felt relieved that my creative streak wasn’t dead. It still had that flair that was in my other projects.
And besides that, I was experimenting with dramatic lighting this week. I usually just move some of the small furniture around my room and gather all the lamps around. There was a scene I shot for my larger project and I had applied water mixed with black mascara to create the effect of crying. That burned a little but it wasn’t too bad. In that little session, I tried to make the shots unnerving, but only others can tell me if I’ve achieved that.
There is a mixture of both good and bad things overall, but the thing that is the worst is me trying not to raise the suspicion of my parents. I try to be quiet and rush to do things while they’re away or not paying attention. I think that rushed and full of adrenaline scenario is what really has made creating films a struggle.
Now that the assignments are dying down, I’ll start writing a lot more. I have a little these past two weeks and oh my God how I’ve made myself cry. Writing from the heart is exhausting, but anyway…
This week I’m going to attempt once again to shoot a large part of this little project I’ve been attempting. Yes it has been hard, but I just can’t stop trying to work on it. I’ve been trying so much, it’s just bound to come out good some time! 😉
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